Hey, Sensitive Girl!

Hello! I'm still alive.

Ugh, I hate being 3rd grader. I hate all those UN things. I hate all about preparatory exams for universities. I hate having no choice. I hate my duties for ART 43. I hate being alone for somewhat. I hate everything.

Literally, I hate being me at this moment.

I admit that I am a very sensitive person, and there is a time in a month where I get myself profoundly sensitive, which is this time when I write this post.

My bf canceled our plan for tomorrow, this was clearly not his fault. He's not guilty, but I felt my heart itching from the inside.
Take a look at this conversation (I translate it to English, it was in Indonesian, but I want his voice saying those words in Indonesian to be mine alone, no one can hear it. hehehe)
Him : "about tomorrow's plan... I'm sorry I can't make it. I have to blablablabla....."
Me : "........"
Him : "Is it okay?"
Me : (sobbing quietly) "Yeah, it's okay"
Him : "Are you sure?"
Me : (tears coming down from my eyes) "Yea"
Yea I lied. I've told him that I lied saying that was okay to cancel our plan. I understood his situation. If I were him I would have done so.

The point was when I was so sensitive that I immediately cried right after I heard him saying that he couldn't make it. The afternoon I was so happy thinking about meeting him tomorrow. I acted like a kid who is full of energy. I couldn't stop smiling. Well, maybe it's because I was too excited and happy that I finally have to swallow a very bitter pill in the end.

Super-Quick Post

Damn. I've been so busy last week so I can't even touch my notebook.

As what the title has said, this is a super-quick post. Lately, I've been so tired of being a committee in Schoolympic Carnival 2009. That I am extremely tired attending Schoolympic 4 days in-a-row had driven me nuts. Besides, I lost 4 days school. This means that I need to catch up with the lessons I've left behind.

and I am stuck again in my daily routine. I'll post something if I have any spare time, I promise

Ciao, Fellas!

p.s. do you mind to follow my twitter, pals? (click here)

It's Half Empty

I won't tell you much here. Yeah, as the title has said in the beginning of this post, it's half empty. Seems like all my happiness and joy are fading away, leaving me in an emptiness.

There's been a lotta things change these days. Neither of them affects me positively. I'm drowning, falling, breathless. It will kill me, soon.

All the sorrow, the pain, the silent, and the wound kill me a lot faster. I'm bleeding, desperate for freeing myself. Yet I won't change a thing. I know it's embarrassing.

For the days that have passed, today, and the days I will be living on, I will always be this way. Okay, too much drama, Nis.

Report Card (or Sheet?)

Whoaaa! Besok bagi raport!

Geeez I hope tomorow will be fine. Semoga nilai gue seenggaknya sama kayak semester lalu, lah. If it's worse, well, I think I have to admit that I didn't do my best this semester. Aaaaah yasudahlah, pelajaran.

I really miss the old Report Book, not Report Sheet like nowadays. Ngerepotin banget ya raport satu semester aja berlembar-lembar. Terkutuklah kau Sistem Administrasi Sekolah! *wets, no offense. nanti gue masuk penjara juga sama kayak Prita. It's only an aspiration anyway. I prefer book rather than sheet, easier to keep and harder to lose.

Anyway, semoga besok hasilnya gak terlalu mengecewakan. Amin!

Controlling Emotions

Well, I admit that I'm an emotional person. It's just so easy to make me mad and yell. Errr, actually this is my biggest problem in my life. I'm serious! I've had many quarrels with my family, just because I don't like being asked continuously when I don't wanna answer.

And few days ago, I had a big mental fight. In the end, I cried. I locked myself in my room, then.

After that fight, I figured out that I need to control my emotions. Yeah, it's damn hard. I tried the following day, and failed totally because I, again, had a fight the next day. Geez I cursed myself for being so emotional that day! I locked myself in my room, again, just because I felt comfortable alone, so that I won't hurt nor being hurt by anyone.

This day I succeed !

Yeah! I succeed for not letting my big mouth saying some harsh words, succeed for not letting my emotions control me and I control them instead, for not doing such an over-joking, for keeping myself away from the others so that I won't hurt them while I'm seeing red. I've learned much today :)

And I really am ready to change. I am ready to be a new person, leaving my old habit far in the past, welcoming the new me in an open hand since I am willing to be mature. Ah, what a transition.

Why does it take us so much for turning from a girl (teenager) to a woman (adult)?

Ciao, my turning-to-an-adult Fellas! Transition is always hard, yet it is a treasure when we've overcome it :)

Liburan = Miskin

Well, as a student who haven't earned her money by herself, yet I am suffering so much when holiday comes. Sumber uang gue beku selama sebulan, yeah, it'll be flowing right down to my hands when I get back to school, yet it's still a month until that happens.

Kalo kayak gini sih emang enakan di rumah aja, I don't have to withdraw any money. Bored, yeah, so much, with not-so-many things to do. Hiburan gue cuma buku, notebook, dan cellphone. But the last one I mention is running out of happiness. Pulsa utama sih masih banyak, and I don't really care about it, only using it for browsing, anyway. Masalah terbesar adalah karena gue sangat addicted kepada text messaging. Pulsa SMS gue saat ini tinggal 561 SMS lagi. I don't think I can handle this in a month. Jujur, sayang banget ngeluarin pulsa utama buat SMS. Yeah, my provider costs me Rp 100,- if I text someone dari pulsa utama. Wuidih mahal bener cuy.

Di saat bersamaan, liburan ini bikin gue miskin parah. Hahaha. Gue terbiasa dapet uang jajan gue secara harian, jadi gue gak terlalu ambil pusing soal nyimpenin duit in a holiday like this. Hahaha. Masih belom mikir terlalu panjang, yea I know.

Anyway, I'll get rid of this problem, soon. The must be a way out since that every cloud has a silver lining.

Ciao, Fellas!

Can You Raed Tihs?

I really like to read many funny things in Chainletters.net (read it when you have spare time). I found this funny things there :

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteres are at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Can you read that? I was so surprised to see it. Hehehe

Ciao, Fellas!